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An unfaithful spouse. What a terrifying thought. When one thinks of a unfaithful spouse, one usually thinks of a soap-opera or of an unfortunate neighbor – rarely do we consider that a cheating spouse is in our own home. That is, until one day you fear you are married to a cheater.

At first, the fear of an affair is a tiny “blip” on your internal radar. His comings and goings raise your awareness. Perhaps one too many phone calls at strange hours or an unexplained happiness in your partner make you wonder. Most betrayed spouses can, in hindsight, pinpoint the moment when the possibility of infidelity became a very real probability in their life.

No two affairs are the same, but the majority of unfaithful spouses have some dirty traits in common. These same traits are the tools to your sanity as you can watch for them in your spouse, and then empower yourself to take the action you need.

Cheating spouses actually don’t like to lie to you – that is, they struggle with the dishonesty in the beginning. Over time, the guilt subsides, and lying to you becomes a necessary evil and a matter of survival. If your spouse is suddenly acting guilty around you, realize you may have caught him/her at the start of an affair.

Cheating spouses are the most stressed out human beings you may ever meet. The stress of lying, keeping up two lives, keeping all their stories straight, and trying to keep two partners happy can be over-whelming. While a new affair is not as stressful as one that has been on-going, the majority of cheating spouses sub-consciously wish they would get caught so someone would force them to end it.

Cheaters need modern technology to keep their affair alive and well. Email and cell phones make infidelity much easier to maintain – they also make infidelity much easier to begin in the first place. If you suspect adultery in your relationship, start by going through all email and cell phone accounts. Any questionable email addresses or cell phone numbers should be traced right away.

Keep in mind that not all cheaters are bad people. Affairs actually can happen to decent people. Yes, an affair can even happen to a spouse that is worth keeping. The fear of being considered a “failure” due to a lapse in judgment keeps most unfaithful spouses involved in an affair.

If adultery is actually confirmed in your relationship, there are factors you must keep in at forethought. The next days, actions and decisions are all about you, the betrayed spouse. Do not spend your precious energy brooding over on the other woman (or man), do not spend your energy thinking about your unfaithful spouse. You have just experienced a very traumatic experience event that is centered around trust. The misconception is that healing from infidelity involves learning to trust your spouse again. While this might be on your list of future issues to deal with, this should not be your immediate concern. Your first issue to tackle will be to learn to trust YOURSELF again.

Unfaithful spouses thrive off of the self-doubt betrayed spouses allow into their minds. The desire to trust your spouse is stronger than your desire to find out someone you are with is not trust-worthy. When infidelity is confirmed, the first victim of trust-issues to be healed is the betrayed spouse – You. Take all the time you need for yourself and heal yourself before you begin any other adjustments in your life.

Visit http://YourCheatedHeart.com for more infidelity resources and a confidential cell phone number trace service.