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If you want your ex back, you don’t need to dwell on mistakes from the past. Rekindling a relationship is a forward-thinking affair and getting stuck on past trials and tribulations only causes problems you don’t need.

That viewpoint may seem counterintuitive. Don’t we need to look carefully at the past to figure out where the problems were? Won’t that information give us the right clues to prevent another break up after we reunite as a couple?

The answers: No, no, and (you guessed it) no.

You don’t need to become some sort of weird relationship forensic examiner to get your ex back. In reality, focusing on the past is often problematic.

First of all, looking closely at the past can lead to a kind of paralysis by analysis. With all the thoughts and details from the past, you can get so overwhelmed that you don’t do what’s necessary.

Second, the real reasons you broke up in the first place probably have very little to do with the discrete problems you’ll dredge up and over-analyze. Break ups usually stem from a multiplicity of factors that end up all coming together in various life situations.

In the third place, looking closely at the past leads to a counterproductive problem/solution mindset. Instead of focusing on the big picture factors that allows you to get your boyfriend back, you spend time trying to come up with systems that help to solve small problems. Your time could be better spent elsewhere and most of the solutions you devise are probably inconsistent with the realities of your personality.

The past is over. We can get some good information from history and it can have a big impact on our lives. In the end, the past doesn’t have to govern us.

The reasons you broke up don’t really matter. The thing that now matters is what you’re going to do to get back together. This is where your focus should be-on taking action for the future.

People who get bogged down in the past aspects of their relationships often have the hardest time when they try to rekindle a relationship after going through a breakup. Those who are successful quickly realize that it’s high time to let sleeping dogs lay.

Don’t allow the past to sabotage your efforts to get back together. If you want your ex back, you can do it. Don’t worry about what happened before. Focus on your future together.

To get your ex boyfriend back in your arms, sign up for Clark’s excellent free newsletter Ex Boyfriend Back. Also check out his tips and hints on his Ex Boyfriend Back blog.