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It is worth reviewing anger and aggression to have a better understanding of our emotions and work toward anger management. Often when someone feels frustrated they are liable to explode if their emotions are heightened. Frustration does not arise over night; rather frustration occurs when underlying issues come into focus. So, frustration is a very deep, unsatisfied sense or state of lack of confidence and displeasure arising from unsettled grievances or unfulfilled desires.

Anger then is the feeling a person gets when he or she does not get their way, or when a series of issues, which were buried waiting for the time to attack, rise to the surface. Aggression is a forceful act or modus operandi utilized to dominate another individual. Aggression is an argumentative, harmful or destructive mode of behavior or viewpoint particularly when caused by frustration. Aggression can be good if our lives are in danger, but in most instances aggression causes harm.

Assertiveness on the other hand is an effective form of showing your feelings to another individual without causing injury, destruction or antipathy. Assertiveness is a strong, bold,confident quality we have within us in order to help us to defend our rights when others want to do us wrong. If we learn the difference between aggression and assertiveness we can learn a good behavioural pattern, while taking control of our life and avoiding further problems.

If you are feeling frustrated, you might want to sit down and review your beliefs, opinions, theories, reasoning etc. By reviewing the things that make you angry, you can reduce the tension when you see anger brewing; you will then realize that it is not worth getting angry, since the causes of your frustrations are out of your control. For example, when you are considering your situation, you might see another point of view and conclude that your frustration is out of order.

Assertive action against an individual who has wronged you, can prove far more effective than blowing a gasket. We can see from an example, how a person loses his or her temper and what consequences he or she must face because of it.

For example, a couple of people are engaged in an argument and a fight breaks out. One of the people was accused of spreading lies about the other one. The ensuing violent episode attracts the neighbours who call the police. When the police come, both friends are placed in handcuffs and both are lead off to jail. Their problems have increased since they both may have to pay fines, court costs and, possibly, probation fees. So, one problem has led to a series of other problems but it does not stop there. When the pair has paid off all of their fines, costs and so forth, they will have a police record whereby everyone will judge them for the rest of their lives, considering them immature, violent people not to be trusted.

Now let’s look at a different example were assertiveness was used in the scenario. A couple of friends are talking to each other after one person has spread rumours around the neighborhood about the other person. The victim of the rumours walks up to his friend and inquires, “Why are you telling people I have a drinking problem?” The other person says, ‘I did not tell anyone you have a drinking problem”. “I don’t believe you, sorry!”, says the first person, “You told my best friend and he’s not a liar”. “Well, I thought you had a drinking problem because you are drinking every time I came round your house”.

‘Just because I am drinking every time you come to my place doesn’t mean that I have a problem. I refuse to allow you to continue dragging my name through the mud and I won’t allow you to visit my house again, if you continue telling lies about me. Friends don’t hurt their friends. So, if you have any problems with me just talk to me about them instead of going behind my back’. What a very good job! This person did a great job asserting himself and the results will surely prove fruitful. Let’s see what happens next. ‘I’m really sorry; I didn’t mean to offend you. I will talk to you next time I have a problem with you. However, I am still worried that your drinking may be a problem, since you do drink every time I come around to your home’. ‘Well, OK then let’s go to my place and discuss the matter’.

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